


H E R O E S (we could be)

by JessRoseDraws



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Hydra Custody (WWII), M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sharing a Bed, Steve is long suffering, bucky is oblivious, unfinished work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 20:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20020618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessRoseDraws/pseuds/JessRoseDraws
Summary: Two little pieces of a larger fic I'm never going to finish, that have accompanying arts (at the end)





	1. Chapter 1

A U S T R I A

Three weeks and five days ago, according to the hatch marks scratched into the concrete floor of his group’s cell, Hydra managed to defeat and capture Srg. James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes with around fifty other men from his unit. Schmidt ordered them shipped by cattle car to the Hydra Weapons Facility nestled in the mountains somewhere north of Klagenfurt. Nearly a month of forced labor, manufacturing and assembling weapons for the enemy, and not just the run of the mill kind either. Somehow Hydra succeeded in developing technology far beyond the imaginations of most men. Terrifying weapons of unimaginable power, capable of destruction on an unprecedented scale. None of their training prepared them for what they went up against that night. 

During the firefight, muffled yells echoed under the deafening ringing in his ears as mortar shells exploded around him, throwing earth and pieces of fallen soldiers high into the air. Choking on ash and dirt, Bucky called out frantic orders, firing uselessly at the enemy while men around him disintegrated into dust with a single hit from the beams of blue energy. His men. Men he respected and loved like brothers, an entire life snuffed out in an instant. The rest fought hard against the slaughter, but outgunned and outnumbered, and without reinforcements the fight ended soon after it started. 

Long shifts and bitter cold October nights spent huddled together on bare concrete became the standard for Bucky and his fellow POWs. As the days passed into weeks, expectations of a swift rescue dwindled among the ranks, with only the most optimistic of them able to hold out hope. Clearly, their only chance of escape fell on them and them alone. They started watching for opportunities, waiting for chances, observerving guard patterns, biding their time until they could make a move. Well, until two days ago at least, when the Hydra officers made an example out of Bucky for striking a particularly vicious guard in defence of a sickened private he was roughing up. Colonel Lohmer, Commanding Officer of the facility himself, came in to deal out the worst of his punishment personally. When he finished, Bucky was left a crumpled heap on the warehouse floor to either get up and finish his shift or succumb to his injuries. 

His condition deteriorated in the days after, his concentration began to slip, making the detailed tasks of his assignments on the Valkyrie increasingly difficult to perform and the pain was constant. A few more blows to the head and he probably would have been done for right then and there, instead of this slow crawl toward the inevitable. 

“Hey, Sarge.” A light tap to the sole of his boot brought him out of his thoughts with a start. He opened his eyes to the men of his cell staring back at him expectantly. Bucky was barely listening as he drifted in and out, his body desperate for sleep and the relief that came with it as the group talked quietly among themselves, sharing stories and plans, small talk to keep some form of morale up. 

“What?” Bucky groaned as he adjusted his position on the floor, careful to keep pressure off what he assumed were a few fractured ribs. Thanks to the Army’s mandatory basic medical training for all recruits, he and the others patched him up to the best of their ability with the materials available, but it did little to ease his pain. The facility offered no medical services for prisoners, instead guards rushed men too weak to work off the floor, never to be seen again as of yet. Speculation only served to heighten anxieties, but it was universally accepted they were never coming back. No matter how hard he fought it, Bucky inched closer to that same fate with each passing day. Sooner or later, they would realize he could no longer pull his weight and come for him. It nagged at the back of his mind constantly, keeping him from sleep until exhaustion became too much and he drifted off for an hour or so at a time if he was lucky. But through it all, he maintained an illusion of wellness like he was supposed to. As one of the only NCOs in his cell, he lead by example, showing strength of character in all situations, but in reality, his body was weakening and without a miracle, his death crept closer. 

“I asked if you have a girl waiting for you back home,” Gabe offered him a warm smile, his ever-kind eyes always a comfort in the sea of despondent faces. Bucky swallowed against his tight throat and laid his head back against the iron bars. 

“Sure,” Bucky curled his lips into a convincing smile as he closed his eyes again, “half the girls in Brooklyn are waitin’ for me.” The men around him laughed, one of them nudged him playfully in the shoulder. It was the answer they wanted to hear, fantastic exaggerations to occupy their minds and stave off reality if only for a few light hearted moments. 

“Come on,” Gabe’s words cut over the rest as they started to quiet down, “really, you got someone special?” The sincerity in his voice tightened something in Bucky’s chest. Gabe was smart, too smart to be in this shit hole situation with the rest of them. College educated with a bright future ahead of him and a chance to actually make something out of himself, instead he chose to lay down his life to defend a country that didn’t even seen him as an equal. Most of the rest of them, Bucky included, had no real prospects anyway, so the Army seemed like a good choice, if they even had the choice. Gabe was also one of the most genuinely kind men Bucky met in the service and someone he came to trust completely in the short time he knew him. But the answer to that question was something Bucky kept to himself. Since becoming property of the United States Army, privacy was a luxury not afforded to them, but each of them kept their own cherished secrets, something only for them, and this was Bucky’s. 

“Maybe another time, boys.” The men around Bucky groaned in disappointment at his answer as he took in a deep breath that sent pain shooting through his abdomen, offering a welcomed distraction from his own mind momentarily. As they moved on and continued talking, a heaviness settled over him as his eyes began to burn behind his closed lids, something that only happened when he dropped his guard and memories of home and those he left behind came flooding in. Those he loved, and those he would never see again. 


	2. Chapter 2

B R O O K L Y N

It didn’t take long for the two of them to become fast friends, and the only real friend each other had. They fit together like two snug peas in a little pod and didn’t look back, they were practically inseparable. Three years they spent like that, those days were simple and sweet, without a worry because they had each other’s backs, that was until everything changed again. Bucky turned twelve the year the Stock Exchange crashed, too young yet to fully understand what it really meant. 

In the beginning, if he was lucky enough to get work after school, or sometimes before and on weekends, he took it. Mostly newsie and stock boy jobs, the kinds of jobs kids could do easy enough. If Steve was well, which he mostly was, he worked too, eager to help his mother as much as he could. The pay was shit but it was something and as far as they were concerned, that’s what mattered. Bucky’s father was one of the lucky ones, along with Steve’s mother, who kept some form of their job throughout, even if it came with a pay cut. 

Once Bucky hit puberty, he slimmed down and shot up and by the end of high school he reached an even six feet tall, almost a whole head and shoulders above Steve and just about twice as broad. His body grew into one a man ought to be proud to have, athletic and strong, one that earned him more than a few looks at swim meets or in the locker rooms. Objectively, Bucky knew he was attractive, he’d been told enough times by enough people to give up arguing all together, but he never quite saw himself the way other folks seemed to. 

By the time he was seventeen he managed to make himself into somewhat of a star athlete. He competed in track and field, and swimming too, but baseball was his, and Steve’s, favorite. The equipment was old, none of the public schools had the funding to pay for replacements but it didn’t matter, it acted as a distraction from the realities of life at the time. It also came with respect, something he had to fight hard for. Most people didn’t mess around with him anymore, and in turn they laid off Steve more too. 

Around this time was when Bucky also started to get serious about dating, which was a distraction of a whole different kind. He was popular around school, girls practically lined up for dates with him. It took him a long time to come around to the attention, but with it came more confidence, even if deep down he was still that self-conscious kid. He turned it outward, maintaining a carefully controlled appearance, ironed shirts, polished shoes, hair carefully combed back to tame his natural curls. 

When he had some extra money he would take the girls out dancing mostly, as it didn’t cost much if anything. Other times he would take them to fun parks or supper, depending on how much cash he had in his pocket and if he didn’t already make plans with Steve. For him, dating was about having a good time and enjoying a girl’s company. It was like going out with a friend more than a means to an end, and girls were better company than most guys his age anyway. 

Sex though, was a different story. The popular girls, the ones with high social standing, were expected to leave guys high and dry at the end of the night. If a guy wanted to get any kicks he went out looking for an ‘easy girl’ willing to give him a good time at the risk of ruining his reputation, or in most cases, he would just find another fella. A sympathetic friend to ease his suffering with a hand or a mouth to hold him over, a kind of mutual agreement of sexual relief among pals. When the mood struck, Bucky found that the locker room was the best and easiest place to find willing partners, seeing as most of the other boys on his teams, the ones that cared anyway, were in the same boat. 

That summer, after a sweltering August day loading trucks at the docks, Bucky returned home to wash up and change into his suit, which was getting to be a little small for his liking but not enough to be unwearable. The trousers and jacket were cut wide enough to have a little room to grow still. His date for the evening was a nice girl from his class named Sadie who happened to be one of his favorite dates. His mother and her mother were old friends and worked with the JDC together during the war, which meant she was a favorite of his mother’s as well. She was always good company, funny, and not bad to look at either with big doe eyes and chin length dark curls tucked neatly off the right side of her face. Looking back, if things were different of course, Bucky would have liked to marry her. But life had other plans for him. 

He took her to the dance hall nearest to her building so she wouldn’t have to walk far in the heat, for which she was grateful and even gave him a quick peck on the cheek. When she pulled back she laughed softly. 

“What’s so funny?” Bucky smiled as she looked up at him. She pulled her hand free from her delicate crochet lace glove one finger at a time then licked her thumb. 

“You’ll get a stain,” there was a hint of a laugh in her voice as she wiped the raspberry color left by her lips gently off his cheek. Her eyes darted quickly over to meet his as he watched her intently and she smiled again, wider this time, then dropped her gaze down to his chest as she withdrew her hand. 

They danced for a few hours until the heat inside the hall became unbearable and they called it a night. After walking her home and saying their goodnights, he was still prickling with energy. It wasn’t too late yet, the sky only starting to darken, and Bucky made up his mind to head down to Steve’s block rather than his own. 

Steve’s place became like a second home to him in the last few years, a place to escape to when he needed some space. It wasn’t uncommon anymore for him to sleep there instead of going home to the room he shared with his little brother, and Steve enjoyed the company anyway. Of course, Steve was always welcome at his place too, Bucky’s parents adored him. He was always polite, helpful, and good with Bucky’s youngest siblings. But it was crowded and noisy there, so most of the time Steve’s place was the clear choice. 

Bucky rushed up the stairs of Steve’s building, taking two at a time until he reached the third floor. He knocked lightly and waited for a moment, bouncing on his heels until Steve’s mother opened the door. “James,” she smiled warmly, opening the door wider to welcome him in, “what a surprise!” 

“Hello, Mrs. Rogers,” Bucky leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek which she swatted away playfully, “is Steve in?” 

“Yes he is,” she closed the door behind him, “and there should be a little supper left on the stove if you’re hungry, dear. I don’t think Steven is going to eat it all.” The smell of boiled cabbage hanging in the air combined with the heat inside the room did little for his appetite, but he appreciated the offer. 

“Thank you,” he shook his head as he followed her into the sitting room that doubled as her bedroom, “but I’m not hungry.” He took a seat on the threadbare armchair opposite hers and tucked his hands under his knees. “How are you?” he watched as she fanned herself with an old newspaper. Her eyes were heavy and lined with exhaustion, the same way Steve’s would get when his health took a turn for the worse. Her long shifts at the hospital carried a heavy toll and if he had it his way, Sarah Rogers wouldn’t have to work another day in her life. He offered to buy a few groceries here and there, to help out as thanks for her hospitality once but she politely refused and Bucky didn’t press it. Knowing how much like Steve she was, he knew better. 

She let out a laugh and shook her head as she looked him over, “oh, go ahead, he’s in his room.” 

“Okay,” Bucky nodded with a grin as he stood up, “I’ll talk to you later.” She waved him away as he walked over to Steve’s door. Soft music crackled from the other side and Bucky smiled as he turned his head to listen. After a moment he knocked twice before the door swung open and Steve looked back at him, dressed more appropriately in an undershirt and drawers. Bucky took Steve’s hand as he stepped into his room, a familiar song coming through over the heavy static as Steve looked back at him in confusion. He shut the door behind him with his foot and wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist. Bucky sang along as he turned them in time to the music. 

“Buck, come on,” Steve huffed out a laugh as Bucky lead them, swinging Steve’s reluctant arms to the rhythm, “what are you doing?” 

“Dancing,” Bucky laughed as he pulled Steve closer against him, “what does it look like?” 

“Alright, alright,” Steve’s voice was more firm this time as he took a step back out of Bucky’s arms, “that’s enough.” Bucky let him go and dropped down onto Steve’s bed. He stripped off his jacket and laid it down next to him while Steve stood by the door. Steve pushed his glasses back up his nose and Bucky couldn’t help the smile that spread across his lips. 

“Let me guess,” Steve practically rolled his eyes as he took a seat in his desk chair. 

“Just got back from a date,” Bucky finished his thought for him, still smiling. Steve sighed and turned back to the books and papers on his his desk. 

“How did that go?” he asked without looking up. 

“It went great,” Bucky laughed then went quiet as he looked Steve over for a moment. Steve wasn’t a bad looking guy, he was polite, well spoken, smarter than most, and even a good time when he wasn’t a stick in the mud, but who wasn’t sometimes. He would be the perfect date, if someone gave him half a chance, even if he couldn’t dance to save his life. Hell, if Bucky were a girl, he could easily see himself falling for him, he didn’t understand why no one else saw Steve the way he did. 

“Hey,” Bucky leaned forward to shove Steve’s shoulder playfully, “you’ll find the right girl someday.” 

“Yeah, if you say so,” Steve sighed, taking his glasses off as he leaned back in his chair. All the giddiness Bucky was feeling drained out of him, replaced with the heaviness of guilt in his chest. He looked down at the scuffed wood floor between his freshly shined shoes. To know Steve, really know him, was to love him, Bucky knew this first hand. He didn’t expect to find himself drawn in by that skinny kid in the alley, much less end up best friends for life if Bucky had any say in it, and yet? He would do anything for him if Steve asked, without hesitation, only thing was, Steve didn’t ask. 

“You’re too good a guy not to, Steve,” Bucky reached out again, this time to lay a hand on Steve’s arm, “I mean it.” He squeezed his hand gently for emphasis then dropped it back onto his lap. 

“Thanks,” Steve’s lips twitched into a quick hint of a half smile, barely noticeable but Bucky caught it. Steve’s smile never failed to make him feel better, like the sun after a rainstorm, and he took it upon himself to bring it out in Steve as often as possible, which gave him an idea. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Bucky was careful to keep his tone casual as he removed his tie and laid it on top of his jacket before turning to his suspenders. 

“What do you have in mind?” Steve turned to him finally and eyed him suspiciously as Bucky untucked his shirt and kicked off his shoes. 

“Nothing really,” Bucky shrugged then scooted back on Steve’s bed until his back pressed against the wall. He laid down and propped his head up on his elbow. Steve nodded and laced his fingers together in his lap as Bucky laid there silently for a moment. “Although,” Steve’s eyes darted up to meet his and excitement fluttered in Bucky’s stomach just so, “what do you say we go to Coney Island? I’ve got some extra change in my pocket, my treat.” 

Steve’s lips curled into a real smile this time and he let out laugh as he looked back down at his lap, “you asking me on a date, Barnes?” Bucky snorted as he laid back, glad to see Steve’s sense of humor still intact. 

“Shut up,” Bucky laughed as he grabbed Steve’s pillow out from under him. He tossed it toward Steve’s head and Steve half caught it, fumbling it in his hands before it landed on the floor. 

“Hey,” Steve frowned as he tossed it back. Bucky laughed instead of catching it, letting it hit him in the face which only made him laugh harder. After a moment, when they quieted again, Bucky rolled back over and laid his head down on the pillow and sighed, not realizing how tired he was until now. 

“We’ll get out of here and go have some fun,” he picked at the loose feathers sticking out of the fabric, “it’s been awhile.” Truth is, he and Steve hadn’t been out to the beach all summer and that was something Bucky needed to fix. 

“Sure,” Steve smiled, “but I’m not letting you pay for everything.” 

“If you say so.” Bucky nodded as he closed his eyes. He woke up sometime later to a quiet, dark room and the mattress dipping as Steve climbed on. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you,” Bucky yawned as he rolled over onto his back and reached down to his fly. 

“No hard feelings,” Steve said next to him as Bucky lifted his hips and pushed his trousers down his legs and tossed them onto the floor. “Besides,” Steve moved, trying to find a comfortable position, “it’s late anyway.” Bucky sat up and pulled his shirt off over his head then settled back down and turned over to face Steve. The room was quiet for a moment, Bucky focused on the slight rattle of Steve’s steady breathing as he closed his eyes, letting the sound lull him to sleep again until Steve’s voice broke the silence. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re not enough?” Bucky opened his eyes, trying to focus on Steve’s features in the darkness. The question took him by surprise, giving him a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

“Sure, I guess,” Bucky tried not to think about it too hard, “do you?” 

“Yeah.” 

Bucky’s chest tightened as he swallowed against the sudden dryness in his throat. “You’re enough, Steve,” Bucky insisted, “you’re more than enough.” He reached out, feeling around blindly for Steve’s hand. Steve must have known somehow because he moved his arm so Bucky could find it. Bucky grabbed hold of him and held tight as he finished his thought, “anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t worth a damn anyway.” 

They were both silent for a moment. Bucky laid still, waiting for Steve’s response as Steve’s thumb moved just barely, brushing over his knuckle. Bucky swallowed again, relaxing at the touch. “You are too,” he spoke finally and with that, Steve slipped his hand from Bucky’s and turned over to face the door. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.”


End file.
